Location: A cozy farmhouse with on the edge of Berlin (a 10 minute walk from S Grünbergallee). We have a huge garden and a sauna :)

Arrival: Wednesday 7 May 2025 between 16:00 and 17:00.

Departure: Sunday 11 May around 17:00.

Price: Scroll down to the next box (price & accommodation)

Accommodation: Scroll down to the next box (price & accommodation)

Food: Vegan/vegetarian meals included in the price: Wednesday dinner. Three meals on Thu, Fri, and Sat. Big brunch and afternoon soup on Sunday. Some details may change.

Group size: 20-35 wonderful humans.

Availability: There are still free spots.

Language: English

Nudity: Welcome, yet never ever required.

Sexuality: Super welcome during some parts of the program. Never ever required.

Accessibility: There may be (loud) music during some parts of some workshops. It's also welcome to make loud noises. This possibility will usually be announced beforehand. It's possible to skip these parts or to witness from a distance. The venue has multiple sets of stairs, yet we’re happy to help out. Please get in touch if you require assistance or if you’d like to bring a service animal or personal care assistant.

Mental health: If you’re unsure if you can hold yourself in this space, for example due to trauma, mental health, or being overwhelmed in bigger groups of people, please let us know in the form. Mette will reach out to decide together whether this is the right time to join.

Packing list: Scroll all the way to the bottom of the page.

Preparation: You're invited to read part 1 of Mette’s book, which you'll receive for free. This is fully optional.

Pets: You can't bring your super cute doggie. We're sorry. There may be a cat and dog here. Let us know if that's a concern.

Telegram channel: @mettekoppelaar

Facebook event: Voila

Photo of the 2023 group

Video of the 2024 Saturday night

Hi, I'm Mette!

As a writer, facilitator, and overall curious human, I look for authentic expression in playful and meaningful ways. I love to play with identity, normalize emotions, expand self-expression, and build connection by exploring our uniqueness as well as our shared humanity.

I became qualified to lead groups in various ways. I repeatedly assisted in the groups of some (pretty brilliant) facilitators like Chris van der Weijde & Rachel Rickards. I attended various professional courses: Intermal Family Systems for therapists, the Wheel of Consent Like-a-Pro, the Field Facilitator Training, and multiple courses about the nervous system. However:

I mostly learn by creating. I organized multiple editions of the (currently inactive) Nibana Festival, spent years writing and researching for my book about authentic living, and I've consistently offered courses and retreats for some years now.

Hear me speak about trust for a minute

Talk to me
If you'd like to get a sense of me as a person, I would be happy to have a talk. You can click here to schedule a 15-minute Zoom call with me. I know that doing this can feel intimidating, or like asking for too much, but truly: I’m happy to take these calls. The connection between facilitator and participants is a big part of what makes these retreats work, so I'm super open to start creating that connection beforehand. I won't try to convince you to join. My intention is simply to support you in making the choice that feels right for you.

Hear my personal story
In this 2.5 minute video, I tell you how my desire to dress outside the gender norms eventually led me to do this work:

My social location & lens
When introducing myself, I think it's important acknowledge my lens. I was born in Amsterdam in 1984. I'm racialized as white, able-bodied, and come from a middle-class background. I'm gender nonconforming and use he or they pronouns. I studied AI before it was cool (and obtained my BSc). I've been self-employed since 2007, mainly running small startups and co-working spaces until I turned my life around in 2018. Although I didn’t turn out to be a typical straight cis-male, I did grow up as one. I’ve never had to worry about hunger, housing, or safety, and I’ve never directly experienced war or poverty. My passport allows me to travel wherever I want. I’ve faced financial stress, but only because I chose the uncertainty of self-employment. Mild bullying was part of my early teenage years, but overall, I felt supported. The experiences I consider traumatic pale in comparison to what many others have faced. I haven’t experienced severe intergenerational trauma, and my parents spent years in group therapy before I was born, which greatly contributed to the safety and stability of my family home. While my dressing journey deeply challenged me on a personal level, it fades in comparison to the levels of oppression that exist for the majority of people on this planet.

Photos: Bartjan de Bruijn, Ilse Wolf, Moritz Schachner.

Lea Köhler

Lea is a dance therapist and an expert in embodiment and boundaries. She's been dancing her whole life and trained in integrative dance therapy, systemic life coaching and trauma sensitive spaceholding. She likes to play and explore and it's important to her to create a safer space for personal growth. She's on a mission to help people feel their bodies and to perceive and express their personal boundaries. Based in Leipzig, Lea hosts regular workshops and retreats in Leipzig and around Berlin.

Aya Mo

Aya is a touch therapist who spent years in training with masters in different styles of bodywork and the esoteric arts. She facilitates and teaches practices like yoga, rituals to close the bones, standing on a bed of nails, and different kind of massage like Rebozo—a Mexican non-contact/vibration practice. She loves to hold space for people by serving Chinese tea in a traditional way, which she'll do during the open space on Saturday night.

Anna Schmidbauer

Anna is a somatic practitioner guiding individuals through trauma-informed, body-centered business building in one-on-one settings. She works with the body not as a machine to optimize—but as a responsive ecosystem that holds memory, intelligence, and direction. In her sessions, clients explore how nervous system patterns shape visibility, decision-making, and leadership—unlocking sustainable ways to grow from within. Anna’s presence is steady and precise, offering entrepreneurs the depth and clarity needed to root their work in true embodiment.

The workshop space

Courtyard & garden

Food & common areas

(We forgot to take proper food photos!)

You can join as a participant or as a helper:

• If you join as a helper, you pay a lower amount in exchange for helping us with some tasks, such as setting up the space the day before the retreat, cleaning up the day after, or coordinating some tasks during the breaks of the program. If you're (seriously) interested in this, schedule a 15-minute call and mention this in the form.
• If you join as a participant, payment takes place at two separate moments:
• Beforehand, you pay €447 (in one or two installments). This covers my costs to run this retreat and includes all meals. If you sleep in your own tent you can deduct €30 from the price. To sleep in a dorm room, add €40. To sleep in a smaller room, add €80 (limited availability). Please bring your own bedsheets. Signing up gives you free online access to the first few chapters of my book.
• After the retreat, I ask you to donate for my time and facilitation (which is not covered by the initial payment). A lower donation means you're receiving support (which is ok!). A higher donation means you're making this retreat more widely accessible. The minimum donation is €1, so I now you didn't forget it.

Attracting people with different realities translates to a diverse group, which makes this a richer experience for everyone. So, I trust that this system will work out once again 🖤

Video of the 2024 Saturday night

If you cancel when the retreat is full and we have someone to take over your spot:

• 100% refund minus €75 admin fee

Otherwise:

• Cancel up to 2 months before we start: 100% refund minus €75
• Cancel up to 1 calendar month before we start: 50% refund
• Cancel later: no refund

A few things to keep in mind:

• We consider your spot taken over when the new person has paid in full, and when the spots of any people who cancelled before you have been taken over first.
• You can't transfer your spot to someone else without our permission.
• If you're paying in installments, you may still have to pay the remaining installments, even if you cancelled. (The timeline above applies)

In case we would need to cancel the event for some reason, you'll get a 100% refund.

What we'll do exactly will always be decided in response to the needs of the group, but here's the general idea:

Wednesday, you'll arrive in the late afternoon. We'll all have a cozy dinner together before we gently take off. After dinner, we start creating an intentional group container and we'll have a light, connected evening that allows your body, mind, and nervous system to start settling in.

Thursday will be a day of connecting with yourself and the others in non-sexual ways. You'll start getting to know the other group members and get a sense of where everyone's at. You'll be invited to notice how you show up in the space and respond to certain situations.

You'll likely start noticing patterns, emotions, stories, and parts of your identity that don't serve you anymore. As we move into the night, the groups slowly move toward silence. You get to deeply connect with yourself and get ready to start transforming some of your old baggage the next morning.

Friday will start with a rebirthing ritual. It's a moment to transform lingering emotions and stories about the past, forgive yourself and others, and step into the aliveness of the present moment. As the day progresses, you'll be invited to explore your senses and rediscover the miracle of having a body. There will be more chances for physical connection with others in various ways. Sensuality may slowly make its way in, but the space will remain to be gentle and slow. There will always be different options for participation and you can always decide what's right for you in that moment.

On Saturday we'll keep building on our connection to self and others. You can start playing with claiming your agency, embracing the beauty of your ‘no’, and stepping into your sensuality or sexuality if and how you want to. During the day, there will be guided practices to connect with yourself and others in an honest and empowered way.

The evening will serve as open space where you can repeat some of the things you've tried during the day, or follow your own flow entirely. Nothing is expected and everything is allowed. The team is constantly there to support you in what can both turn out to be a challenging or incredibly uplifting environment. (Usually a bit of both, yet rarely as scary as people imagine.)

Sunday is a day of integration and relaxation. There will be be time for processing your journey individually and as a group. You'll also have time to chill and take it easy. You’ll be supported by a warm sauna, yummy food, a huge garden, and the afterglow of the past few days.

In short, Rebirthing the Sensual Self is a gentle 5-day retreat that can help you:

• Let go of old patterns and beliefs
  around intimacy, sexuality, and relationships.
• Connect with yourself and others
  through new experiences with like-minded people.
• Learn to confidently communicate
  about boundaries and desires in a way that builds trust.
• Stay present with your truth
  and let authentic connection emerge from the moment.
• Embrace your pleasure
  and reconnect with your playful, sensual, or sexual self.

If this is what you could use right now, then I look forward to receiving your application. If it feels intimidating or overwhelming, I'm happy to answer your questions and help you decide if this is the right thing for your right now. Feel free to message me on Telegram or via the contact form and we can schedule a chat.

It mostly means that this retreat is a place for personal transformation. The intention goes beyond simply having a good time. If transformation does not resonate with you, then this might not be the retreat for you right now. If it does resonate, know that you'll be surrounded by people whose intention is compatible with yours. It creates a field of permission for everyone to bring deeper topics to the table.

Throughout the program, you’ll often be invited to connect with yourself on a deeper level, to explore your patterns and desires, to shine light on topics that have been holding you back, and to play with your sense of self. We'll work with words, sounds, and embodied practices to move stuff that may have been lingering in your system for some time. Some practices are with yourself, some are in connection with other individuals, and some are in connection with the entire group. You can use the practices to find a genuine connection with others. You can use the connection with others to deepen the connection with yourself. In the end, every practice is first and foremost an interaction between you and you.

There will be a rebirthing ritual at some point during the program, which is not dogmatic in any way. It's also a not 'rebirthing breathwork'. While transformation is at the heart of this weekend, nothing is ever expected to happen. We don't follow one particular tradition and we’re not working towards any kind of predetermined outcome. You’re invited to do what feels right to you in any given moment and you can’t do anything wrong.

To get an idea, here's a photo of the 2023 group:

And here's what they thought of it:

★★★★★ "This retreat went over my expectations. I found everything and more of what my soul needed. The team was able to create a true center of worldwide love where, personally, I could find my center, open my heart, connect with my true self and re-open myself to the outside world."

★★★★★ "From observing and receiving the way Mette guided the space with vulnerable enthusiasm, it is clear that he truly cares for this work, and deeply desires for humanity to live more authentically. I really appreciated the unselfish and transparent way he shared his tools and learnings, and the level of detail he put into the organisational planning."

★★★★★ "It’s a few days past the retreat and I’m still buzzing. My heart cracked open and I’m still feeling through the things that came up. I’m full of love, compassion, respect and softness. At the same time the strong urge to be real came to the surface. Starting with being true with myself and my intentions. After months of not feeling like myself I experienced the retreat as the perfect soil to root, grow and blossom. It was a space for me to be seen in my full authentic expression. Not to be judged but to be honored in my uniqueness. I’m full of gratitude for the space, the people and the team. Mette is an amazing person and facilitator. He’s leading the space with softness, playfulness, strength and stability. I fully recommend attending his work."

★★★★★ "For me the journey through this weekend felt perfecty thought out and absolutely smooth. The whole experience was mindblowing for me. I would have never expected that the very well written story in the description would come true in the way it feels right now. I left a lot of things behind me on Friday/Saturday morning and it was a huge pleasure to rebirth again on Saturday. A lot of things were not in my 'usual' comfort zone, but you created a space where I felt so safe and self confident, that I couldn't do anything else than following my inner truth, curiosity and just let it flow. There was a lot processing inside of me last week, a lot of feelings came up, but at the same time I feel totally calm, with me and can always feel the sparkle in my eyes which is the precious outcome of this Retreat for me."

★★★★★ "I feel deeply grateful about this experience. The retreat empowered me to ask for what I want and to more openly say what I don´t want. It also gifted me with beautiful connections to some really lovely people. Mette is a thoughtful, creative and caring teacher who seems to truly embody what he is inviting us to bring into the world. He also managed to bring together a diverse team that seemed like a great mix of wonderful talents to hold and enrich this container."

★★★★★ "This was a very transformative weekend for me. I've been to many retreats before, but I've never felt so safe to fully let go, thanks to the team who created and held space. Everything was so well organised, the exercises were well planned and explained. It made me feel 100% safe and willing to give it my all. The group dynamic was amazing and it's the result of the safe space that was created by the facilitators. I wish everyone could have such a good experience at a retreat. Usually I feel very emotionally drained after a weekend like this, but this time I felt immense joy and peace within myself. I felt reborn and loving life and myself. Not to forget the amazing chefs who nourished us with delicious vegan food made with love and so much yumminess!!! I hope there will be many more retreats. This was truly something."

★★★★★ "I’ve had an amazing experience at Rebirthing the Sensual Self. Usually with these kinds of things I don’t really pay attention to the progression throughout because it’s often just blablabla. During this weekend though, I did truly let go of a lot of stuff that’s no longer serving me before reawakening new parts of me that may now come out and shine. Wonderful! Also the group was just amazing with such a diversity of interesting beautiful humans to teach each other and explore together. Growth, learning, connection, development and relaxation. All made possible by the amazing facilitation and wonderful food. Thank you!"

Many people expect a five-day experience to be intense and prefer to start by going to a shorter event. While I would never argue with anyone's intuition, I do often explain that it sometimes works the other way around:

Of course, this is a deep and meaningful journey. But it's also true that the 5-day duration actually makes the retreat less intense. The duration allows us to take things slowly, form meaningful connection, expand gradually, and keep our nervous systems grounded along the way. There will be enough time to explore various practices in depth. There will be time to digest each of the experiences, time for breaks, time to get to know each other, time to build a consent culture and become a little community, time for talking about our processes within the group, and time to respond to any emerging needs.

In contrast to what many people expect, I think this duration makes it more suitable for those with experience as well as for those who do this for the first time.

Based on what previous participants reported, here's what you could get out of it:

• Let go of old patterns and beliefs
  around intimacy, sexuality, and relationships.
• Connect with yourself and others
  through new experiences with like-minded people.
• Learn to confidently communicate
  about boundaries and desires in a way that builds trust.
• Stay present with your truth
  and let authentic connection emerge from the moment.
• Embrace your pleasure
  and reconnect with your playful, sensual, or sexual self.

I think there are two questions that need to be answered here:

The first question is if you'll be pressured. The answer to this is a loud and clear no. I often start by inviting groups into a moment of doing absolutely nothing. No need to meditate. No need to ‘be present’. Just be. Then I say: “You’re welcome to do this for the entire event.” And I mean that. For some people, skipping half the program is what they need to overcome some old beliefs. Then, whenever I invite an activity in the space, you’re welcome to follow those invitations or to do whatever else feels right to you: witness, journal, stretch, go for a walk, or take a nap. I'll constantly remind you to do whatever is most aligned with your truth in that moment.

The second question is if you'll feel pressured. And, honestly, you may still feel that way. It's quite likely that you've internalized the pressure that parents, teachers, friends, and other people have placed on you throughout your life. This internalized pressure to say yes, please, and meet the (real or assumed) needs of others will travel with you wherever you go. No matter how much we'll emphasize that you can do exactly what you want, your nervous system might object and steer you towards your old patterns. This is exactly what we talk about when we say the retreat's intention is to let go of the old. You won't be able to fully transform these life-long patterns in five days, but you'll be invited to meet these patterns and have opportunities to start creating new imprints. You can make meaningful progress in your journey towards living a more authentic life.

Finally, some words about consent. Consent means having an agreement about how you interact with each other. It applies to physical interactions but also when you want to tell someone your life story over lunch. Consent can be seen as a skill that can be taught (which we will do) and as a culture we co-create. We believe that for a healthy consent culture to emerge it's crucial that we, the team, embody it in our own actions. If, for example, we would pressure each other during team meetings or if Mette (the retreat initiator) would push team members to go beyond their limits, that alone would seed an unhealthy consent culture that would likely ripple through the entire retreat. We can never guarantee that no one will ever cross each other's boundaries. These things do happen. But if we, the team, truly practice consent ourselves and bring consent awareness into everything we do with the group, we can create a beautiful space togheter.

It will never be perfect, but we can all support each other in normalizing being more honest about our yeses and our no's. If a boundary is ever crossed, we prioritize repair. Rather than shaming or blaming, we see this as an opportunity to learn and evolve our culture together. If receiving or communicating a 'no' ever feels uncomfortable, we can support you in dealing with those feelings. We'll help you find your way to a place where you can genuinely celebrate the beauty of the no.

Short answer: this event is for anyone with an open, welcoming mind.

Longer answer: This is a queer space in the sense that we welcome and optimize for experiencing and expressing yourself in ways that are not necessarily aligned with the norm. If your body, sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, or the ways in which you live and love are outside the norm, we will love you for it.

I (Mette) do consider myself queer (the same goes for around half of the people on my teams), yet the spaces I create are not queer-only spaces. I welcome everyone, from super queer to those whose identity or expression is more normative, and it's this blend that I enjoy and appreciate.

No. Team members don't share arousal, sexual energy, or romance with participants or each other. (We do like to hug!)

The only exception to this rule is when there's a pre-existing relationship, but then it will still not be pursued during the program. We are here to hold the space. Not to pursue our personal desires.

The fear of feeling alone or isolated is common under people who sign up for this kind of retreat—especially when it's someone's first time. And it makes sense: it ties in directly with two of the most common core wounds: loneliness and unworthiness. So, what can I say about this?

Let me start with the setup of the weekend. Large parts of the program are structured exercises where it's relatively easy to connect with people. There will be different ways to pair up or form little groups, and if you participate in these exercises you will automatically make quite a few connections. While sensuality and attraction can play a role in some of these exercises, they're never required for it to "work." Any exercise can essentially be done with anyone.

Now, let me say something about mindset. The best advice I can give is to be open to pairing up with different kinds of people. Rather than limiting yourself to specific bodies or getting fixated on the people you fancy the most, I suggest to lean into your curiosity. Of course, I would never want you to pair up with someone you're not comfortable with and, yes, it's totally valid to want to connect with that cute person. But: be open to connection in the broadest sense of the word and it will likely pay off in unexpected ways.

Photo of the 2023 group

Yes, you’re very welcome to schedule a free 15-minute call with me. This time is yours—whether you want to ask specific questions, share any concerns or judgments, talk about a challenge in your life, or just get a better sense of me and the retreat. I won’t try to convince you to join. My intention is simply to support you in making the choice that feels right for you.

I know it can feel intimidating to reach out, or like you’re asking for too much—but truly, I’m happy to take these calls. The connection between facilitator and participants is a big part of what makes a retreat work. So yes, you’re genuinely welcome to schedule a call now.

(After choosing a date, scroll down to see more times)

Wonderful! We still have spots available, so fill out application form and share your motivation for joining. We'll answer you on Telegram within 24 hours.

I feel you. It can be a difficult choice. Perhaps I can help you out a little.

Here are some concerns people share with me:

• “I have way too many things going on and adding this might be too much”
• “I know it's not the right time, but I fear this is my only chance”
• “I'm really low on cash, so spending this money would complicate things for me”

If these sentences describe your situation then this is likely not the best time to join.

Here are some other common doubts:

• “I'm excited but also a little afraid”
• “I don't have much experience in these spaces (and I fear that I'll be the only inexperienced one)”
• “I won't know anyone there (and I fear that it will be awkward)”

Many people have these kinds of worries when they sign up for this kind of retreat. Especially when it's the first time. So if this is your experience, this is totally normal. Remember that fear and joy are the ingredients of excitement. So I suggest to take a leap of faith, lean into your growth, and join us. (And, no, you won't be the only inexperienced one, and most people don't know each other yet.)

If you're still not sure..

If you have unanswered questions after reading everything, feel free to schedule a 15-minute call with me. Alternatively, here’s a quick video of me explaining a simple practice to help you decide what you want in an embodied way:

Sweet. Isn’t it great to know what you don’t want?

Maybe you want to join the Telegram channel and be the first to know about other events, or check out Mette’s book?

The following values are the foundation for this event. If these don't resonate with you, then we may not be a match. Of course, these values are always a work in progress. If something about them doesn’t feel right, or if you have ideas for improvement, we would love to hear from you. Message Mette on Telegram or through the contact form. If it ever feels like the facilitator(s) don't live up to these values, we welcome you to tell us.

1. Authenticity: Everyone's invited to verbally, physically, and emotionally express themselves. We can play with our expression without justifying ourselves, yet we strive to do so in a way that’s considerate of other people.

2. Inclusivity: We welcome all identities and personal backgrounds. We try to notice the judgments and assumptions we make about others, and question racism, sexism, ageism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, or other discriminatory beliefs or behavior.

3. Consent: We respect each other's space, stuff, boundaries and privacy. We share a responsibility to create a safe environment for ourselves as well as for others.

4. Confidentiality: We don’t share about other people’s experiences. We don’t comment on other people’s experiences without their consent.

5. Self and group responsibility: We try to be aware of the ways in which we take up space and strive to contribute to the safety of the group. We’re all responsible for our own physical and emotional needs.

6. No sex or romance with team members: Team members don't share arousal, sexual energy, or romance with participants. (We might like to share a hug though!)

Not all experiences in these kinds of spaces are pleasant – no matter how much we try to do things right.

If you have an unpleasant experience with a team member or fellow participant, we encourage you to contact them directly. Alternatively, you're very welcome to reach out to Mette on Telegram or through the contact form or to any other team member. We may be able to support you and won’t take any action without your consent.

If you have an unpleasant experience with Mette, you may reach out to Mette, to another team member, or to Mette's accountability partner Anouk Bongers. She won't communicate with Mette unless you consent to it. You can find her contact details here.

One more thing: It may take time to process certain experiences. Sometimes months or years. The offer above remains valid. There’s no such thing as reaching out too late.

The essentials:

• A pillow cover and a bedsheet (the one that goes around the blanket)
• Two towels: shower & sauna 🔥
• A sarong or something to sit on if you choose to be naked
• Pen and paper
• Toiletries
• A meditation pillow (we don't have enough so please bring one if you come from closeby)

Enhance the experience:

• Clothing, lingerie, make-up, face paint, accessories, shoes, or whatever else supports your self-expression. Make it comfy, make it funky, make it sexy, make it you.
• Fun stuff: massage oil, toys, safer sex supplies, instruments, creative materials
• Indoor shoes, warm socks and/or an extra blanket (some of the bedrooms can get cold)
• Snacks (if you need a little extra in between meals)
• Dress-up clothes for others (so we can make our famous dress-up corner)
• Decoration items for the room, like sheep skins, fabrics, pillows, blankets, and lights.
• An object to place on our altar to symbolize your rebirth
• Your teddy bear or stuffed animal (to nurture you in challenging times)
• A blindfold (we have some available, but ideally bring one)
• Ear plugs (to sleep better in a shared room)
• A sleeping mask (for sleeping and as an option for the Friday morning ritual)
• An alarm clock (so you can hand in your phone)
• A torch or headlamp (so you don't need your phone)
• An instrument

Don't bring:

• Doggies or other animals
• Any kind of mind-altering substances
• Glitter (unless it's biodegradable)

This list was last updated on 25 Feb 2025 and might be updated later.

I sometimes joke that half the benefits of these kinds of retreats come simply from being off our phones for a few days. There's probably some truth in that. When you arrive at the venue, you'll have the possibility of handing in your phone. You don't have to do this, of course, and an alternative is to turn it off, but handing it in can be an amazing experience in itself.

If you choose to do so, it might be helpful to inform your close ones of this beforehand. You can tell them that you can't be reached until Sunday evening or you may even give yourself another day. Closer to the starting date, we'll provide an emergency phone number that you can communicated to your close ones.