Location: A cozy farmhouse with on the edge of Berlin (a 10 minute walk from S Grünbergallee). It has a big garden and a sauna :)

Arrival: Thursday 11 April 2024 between 16:00 and 17:00.

Departure: Sunday 14 April before dinner (probably around 17:30).

Vegan/vegetarian food: Included in the price: Thursday dinner, three meals on Friday and Saturday, big brunch and afternoon snacks on Sunday. (This might still change.)

Price: Scroll to the bottom of this box

Accommodation: sleeping in the workshop space, a 4-6 dorm room, or a tent/camper is included. Sleeping in a single/double room is possible for some people and costs an additional €30/15 per person per night. In any case, bring a bedsheet and a pillow cover.

Group size: 20-30 people.

Language: English

Nudity: Super welcome. Never ever required.

Sexuality: Super welcome during some parts of the program. Never ever required.

Accessibility: There may be (loud) music during some parts of some workshops. It's also welcome to make loud noises. This possibility will usually be announced beforehand. It's possible to skip these parts or to witness from a distance. The venue has multiple sets of stairs, yet we’re happy to help out. Please get in touch if you require assistance or if you’d like to bring a service animal or personal care assistant.

Mental health: Some of the practices may touch you deeply. It may feel like that during the weekend and/or during the days that follow. If you’re not sure if you’re currently capable of holding yourself during/after such an experience, if you experience mental health problems, or if you have severe trauma that might show up during the weekend, please let me know when you sign up. I will reach out to you, so we can discuss your needs and decide together whether this is the right point in time for you to join.

Pets: You can't bring your pet to the weekend, no matter how cute they are. I'm sorry.

Packing list: Scroll all the way to the bottom of the page.

Telegram channel: @mettekoppelaar

Facebook event: Voila

Pricing info: At the time of registration, I ask for €299 to cover costs like the venue, kitchen team, food, and assistants. It's possible to pay this in two or three installments. After the retreat has taken place, I ask you to donate for my facilitation.

I use this system to exclude as little people as possible. The minimum donation is €1 (so I know that you didn’t forget it). You can base your donation on what the weekend brought you as well as your financial situation. Some people will donate more. Some will donate less. Don't worry if your budget is low. I take full responsibility for this system and I trust that the average donation will make things work out for me. I also believe that different financial means tend to reflect different backgrounds and that everybody benefits from having different backgrounds represented in the room. When you feel hesitant or ashamed of not being able to donate much, you're very welcome to message me and I will gladly offer you some encouraging words.

Bank details

Name: S.R. Koppelaar
IBAN: DE16370190001010516718
BIC: BUNQDE82XXX

Paypal

You have to manually switch the transfer type from Goods and services to Friends and family or I end up paying a service fee!
Account: [email protected]
Or click here.

What people said about the 2023 edition:

★★★★★ "This retreat went over my expectations. I found everything and more of what my soul needed. The team was able to create a true center of worldwide love where, personally, I could find my center, open my heart, connect with my true self and re-open myself to the outside world."

★★★★★ "From observing and receiving the way Mette guided the space with vulnerable enthusiasm, it is clear that he truly cares for this work, and deeply desires for humanity to live more authentically. I really appreciated the unselfish and transparent way he shared his tools and learnings, and the level of detail he put into the organisational planning."

★★★★★ "It’s a few days past the retreat and I’m still buzzing. My heart cracked open and I’m still feeling through the things that came up. I’m full of love, compassion, respect and softness. At the same time the strong urge to be real came to the surface. Starting with being true with myself and my intentions. After months of not feeling like myself I experienced the retreat as the perfect soil to root, grow and blossom. It was a space for me to be seen in my full authentic expression. Not to be judged but to be honored in my uniqueness. I’m full of gratitude for the space, the people and the team. Mette is an amazing person and facilitator. He’s leading the space with softness, playfulness, strength and stability. I fully recommend attending his work."

★★★★★ "For me the journey through this weekend felt perfecty thought out and absolutely smooth. The whole experience was mindblowing for me. I would have never expected that the very well written story in the description would come true in the way it feels right now. I left a lot of things behind me on Friday/Saturday morning and it was a huge pleasure to rebirth again on Saturday. A lot of things were not in my 'usual' comfort zone, but you created a space where I felt so safe and self confident, that I couldn't do anything else than following my inner truth, curiosity and just let it flow. There was a lot processing inside of me last week, a lot of feelings came up, but at the same time I feel totally calm, with me and can always feel the sparkle in my eyes which is the precious outcome of this Retreat for me."

★★★★★ "I feel deeply grateful about this experience. The retreat empowered me to ask for what I want and to more openly say what I don´t want. It also gifted me with beautiful connections to some really lovely people. Mette is a thoughtful, creative and caring teacher who seems to truly embody what he is inviting us to bring into the world. He also managed to bring together a diverse team that seemed like a great mix of wonderful talents to hold and enrich this container."

★★★★★ "This was a very transformative weekend for me. I've been to many retreats before, but I've never felt so safe to fully let go, thanks to the team who created and held space. Everything was so well organised, the exercises were well planned and explained. It made me feel 100% safe and willing to give it my all. The group dynamic was amazing and it's the result of the safe space that was created by the facilitators. I wish everyone could have such a good experience at a retreat. Usually I feel very emotionally drained after a weekend like this, but this time I felt immense joy and peace within myself. I felt reborn and loving life and myself. Not to forget the amazing chefs who nourished us with delicious vegan food made with love and so much yumminess!!! I hope there will be many more retreats. This was truly something."

★★★★★ "I’ve had an amazing experience at Rebirthing the Sensual Self. Usually with these kinds of things I don’t really pay attention to the progression throughout because it’s often just blablabla. During this weekend though, I did truly let go of a lot of stuff that’s no longer serving me before reawakening new parts of me that may now come out and shine. Wonderful! Also the group was just amazing with such a diversity of interesting beautiful humans to teach each other and explore together. Growth, learning, connection, development and relaxation. All made possible by the amazing facilitation and wonderful food. Thank you!"

After last year's edition of this retreat, I've continued to deeply invest in my skills and knowledge. Here are some testimonials for my more recent work.

Radical Authenticity 2023

Radical Authenticity is a two-month course about living authentically. It's aligned with the book I'm writing about this subject.

★★★★★ "Mette has a calm presence that feels very intuitive, flowy and fun. They are very present when holding space. They created an incredibly well designed workshop that is inspiring, challenging and thought provoking. I loved being with the group that was created during the workshop, it felt like a little family."
- Marlene

★★★★★ "Doing this workshop series with Mette was really supportive for me during a difficult life transition. The weekly workshops gave me a space to connect to myself and others. They gave me the space to get more in touch with different parts of me. In the workshops I could explore new ways to communicate and bring those parts that I usually keep in hiding in contact with the people of the group. Mette and his team created a container in which I felt safe to explore and also safe not to. I appreciate the way in which he draws tools from different approaches, and offers them unobtrusively for everyone to pick what is helpful for them."
- Mia S.

★★★★★ "Dear Mette, thank you lots for the series of workshops. I started to feel some changes during the first session already. Now, a month later - I am happy to observe cool shifts and somewhat something like kinda … true me? no self judgment and overthinking, intuition leading to unexpected events, living life and not postponing it… I like it) . I don’t know what exactly did this, I do know that for the whole five weeks - every Thursday I committed to the participation in „Authentic self“. I thank you for the safe space, guidance, and organization. I wish you much success (also as the author of a book!)"
- Olga

★★★★★ "I really enjoyed the workshop. The team created a safe and cozy environment, where it felt natural to be more open and authentic. The 2nd month in particular happened to be a wonderful experience for me, it connected a lot of thoughts and tools that I knew and brought them into active use. I started catching myself using some techniques on random situations much more, which is absolutely great! So thank you so much for the workshop!"

★★★★★ "I looked forward to attending Mette’s RA workshops almost as if it were a weekly meeting that will always bring me closer to my center, a form of modern communal meditation on the things that matters to humans to come into alignment. It helped me review my values & wishes, incorporate new practices, adjust some behaviors and perceptions, and even rekindle some beautiful friendships of yore in a new light and approach that supports the maintenance and growth of these new tools and knowledge. Mette’s and the participants, it all became consistently inspiring! I was deeply reminded to invite more intentional play time in my life!"
- BeLL

★★★★★ "The workshop was super intensive, I was able to reflect on myself again and again. I would describe myself as a people pleaser who finds it difficult to set boundaries and communicate my own needs. Through the various exercises, however, I was able to learn how valuable saying no can be. The positive environment and positive group structure made practicing so much easier and I have continued to develop. So if you are interested in authenticity and genuineness and want to learn what consent means and how to communicate this in a friendly way, I can only recommend the workshop. Thank you, Mette, for your being, you are an absolute enrichment and we all need a bit of Mette in us."
- Franzi Redeker

★★★★★ "These days I wake up feeling grounded, happy and excited about the day ahead of me. I attribute this emotional well-being to the brilliant workshop series I experienced. Mette, the facilitator guided us through a sequence of exercises to connect the inner and outer world. The sophisticated emotional release tools and empowerment exercises deserve a special call out. I felt great at all times throughout this workshop journey as the facilitator created a safe and entertaining space for me to thrive in my authentic self. It was beautiful to witness how everyone looked and felt more alive after the sessions."

★★★★★ "I love how Mette combines theory and practice in the workshops. How to explore your own authenticity without feeling your feelings or experiencing your body? And how to understand authenticity without taking the mind along the path of exploration? I could really sense that Mette has studied the human being on all three levels (& beyond) and integrates that in the workshop. That is/was truly special for me and helped me explore my authenticity in a holistic way. Mette's work goes deep. Definitely recommended."
- Teresa

★★★★★ "Mette has a special power to create a safe container where everyone can feel welcome and most of all safe to explore who they are. The workshop consisted of a mixture of meditation, theory input and practical parts to feel, connect and explore. Mette managed to combine theories in an impressive way so they would complement and enrich each other. The practical tasks were amazing and wonderful and also really different in each session. It was a space where you could fully feel and explore who you really are and that allowed yourself to be seen and feel accepted with what for me was one of the most wonderful aspects. The workshops felt like a secret hidden place in nature, warm, sunny, safe, to feel relaxed and free and thereby creating excitement and curiosity to explore. It was great to be with people who share the same values and to feel the connection based on a level of acceptance and freedom that arises if you participate in a space like this.
The workshops encouraged me to speak up for myself more, to be more aware of my values and to live them more honestly in daily life. I also had really important insights about myself and relationships in my life and I am still curious how these insights will develop further. Also just having a reserved time during the week to be aware of who I am, how I feel, dress or behave if I am really honest with myself was an energy that spread through the whole week. I also really liked to reflect more about what I am more curious about and I am excited for what is there yet to come. For the start I finally got a short haircut and a nose piercing ;)
I truly believe that if more people would participate in spaces like this and work like this is spread throughout societies we can change the world we want to live in."
- Nora

★★★★★ "Mette's workshop was a beautiful space, wonderfully balancing the self and the society / group. The line between self-care and selfishness was properly nuanced and not crossed, making it all the more comfortable to dive into our authentic selves and relate to others in a healthy(er) way. The exercises were not just helpful, but fun, yet 'difficult/ enough to challenge ingrained behaviors and patterns.
I'm sometimes a bit skeptical of any more esoteric ideas, but the workshop did not trigger this in me at all - it felt well-grounded and sensible, which is something I noticed early on in Mette and very much appreciate about his approach.
I have already been telling my friends about 'this cool workshop I took part in,' and have been recommending them to do it as well."
- Lucia

★★★★★ "I joined the workshop in a very challenging and transitioning/changing period of my life.
The workshop helped me to get in touch with my emotions and learn how to stay there with them even when it doesn't feel pleasant. It helped me to understand better what I want, to make steps forward into learning how to say no without overstepping others' boundaries. It helped me to listen to the reasons behind my yes and my no, to feel myself and what I want.
The whole experience changed me, I feel more able to see other people needs, while respecting my own needs and boundaries. I'm more able to feel my own emotions and stay with them without finding a way to suppress them. The workshop took a big part in my personal growth process. I'm really thankful for the opportunity to be part of it."
- Francesca

★★★★★ "Mette created a space where I felt very safe and comfortable. I learned something valuable in every workshop, which was only possible because of the skillful connection of theory and practice. All of it was very well done and Mette has a gift to make ideas easy to understand.
Rejecting people, expressing emotions or mentioning tension in a relationship; those are all really challenging social skills. Many of us are socialized to just swallow our thoughts and feelings even though it can damage our integrity and relationships.
The workshops Mette created gave me the tools to practice expressing myself more authentically, especially in challenging situations. I think they have the potential to greatly improve the communication in any relationship.
What really made it all stick was the weekly schedule. The regularity of the sessions kept authenticity and the skills I was learning on my mind so I could use and practice them in my daily life and I really felt the impact. I feel a lot more able and confident to express difficult thoughts and emotions.
I'm really grateful and glad I could join the radical authenticity workshops and I hope more people will get the chance, too."
- Manu Korb

★★★★★ "Mette's workshops came in a very weird and transformative period of my life. They were recommended by a blogger Natasha Kuzmina in her blog, and Natasha was telling very nice things about Mette as a facilitator. So I decided I needed to try, my soul was asking for it. I was feeling rather unsure, lost, hollow before the start of the workshops. But during the workshop time, every Thursday, I would comfortably and gently open new sides of me to myself. I would tell my therapist every Sunday during our session about what we did on RadAuthenticity and she would beam with joy for me, because it weaved so nicely into our therapy process, too.
During one of the exercises/practices in a course I felt a strong connection to my masculine self, the side that before was there, but I kept aggressively ignoring it and telling myself: "Nah, you're just imagining things, you should be like everyone else, it's not the time to think about it". But now I am very actively figuring out (with my therapist and psychiatrist) what my gender and my gender expression are. Finally, I feel a power inside of me to accept that I am different, I am colorful and bright, and it is okay. Because so many people in our workshop group would just accept me as I am, my pronouns and my truths. It felt liberating.
There were parts where I felt uncomfortable, because that's how I felt through the exercise - all the emotions, memories, conflicting feelings inside of me. This uncomfortableness, though, would also teach me things about myself and my truths. I cried a couple of times, too. It was a big deal for me, because before I felt a strong fear and shame of crying in public, of showing big negative emotions in front of other people. I felt free to give in to my emotions here, though. The space we would make every Thursday felt safe, warm, inviting, and so creative. I am an artist, so creativity and authenticity is very much important to me in a professional way, not just in a self-love-journey way.
Now I feel much free in expressing myself through my art, through performance. It is easier to be on the stage, being seen in my most sensitive and soul-opening moments, being perceived. Where I was feeling constrained and nervous before, now, after Mette's Radical Authenticity workshops, I feel a free-flow. I even use some meditation and breathing practices in my teaching work as a singing teacher and a choir conductor. It helps me to connect to my students on a deeper level, and also to be more accepting of their truths. They also love it - it helps them to be more present and mindful during their lessons.
Most importantly, I now feel on a very deep level how different we are, and how beautiful it is. We all have our challenges, our desires, our inner images of how we want to present ourselves, how we want to be.
It is a little sad that this beautiful series of workshops has ended. I quite enjoyed it, because every Thursday we would have something new to think about. The program was carefully curated and felt natural and interesting to go through. Especially, I am very grateful that Mette didn't push us to do the homework. It is a challenge for me, and it felt really nice that not doing homework was also a respected option.
Mette was very democratic with how much money he would ask for our contribution. In the beginning of the first month, I was in an extremely tight financial situation, but I really really wanted to go to at least one of the meetings. It was so important for me as an act of self-love. Mette was very kind to invite me despite everything and not ask for a financial contribution, just a symbolic little contribution. It really supported me in so many ways. I felt I could have a place too, despite my financial situation, I was a part of it like everyone else. I am very grateful, it was a big thing for me! <3

★★★★★ "I'm very happy to have taken part in this workshop organized by Mette. On a personal level, it allowed me a lot of liberation. I was able to put out of me things that had been kept inside. I'd never tried this kind of exercise before and had no idea of its liberating power. I didn't even realize how many layers there were to some of these things, to the point where I'd forgotten that there was something here, and there... This workshop allowed me to reveal to myself a new layer of my persona/ego that I was considering until then to be myself.
In my quest for meaning, I found myself drawn to the point of view Mette wanted to share about "human being and how he lives his truth". Having said that, I initially had a bit of trouble with the title of the workshop and the word "radical" it contained. Radical to me resonates with "extreme". And in my opinion, when you go to extremes, you run the risk of forgetting other people's truths. That's why when I visit extremes, it's always with the aim of extracting an essence of truth and bringing it back with me to the center, to be confused with those of other horizons I've visited.
But I was very pleased to see that during the worksop, this idea of getting back to the center was actually very important. And it's one of the foundations of the workshop that I think gave it its greatest efficiency and strength.
This was made possible by:
- introducing each workshop with a guided meditation to focus our attention on our emotional center
- the systematic invitation to return to our inner self for a few breaths after each externalization exercise
- this regular reminder to keep our attention permanently 70% inside and 30% outside.
I'd like to thank Mette for this sharing, as his point of view was very interesting and has indeed enriched mine, I can only say so once I've returned to my center.
Many thanks 🙏"
- Christelle André

The Intimate Revolution 2023

The Intimate Revolution is a festival where I facilitated daily ceremonies to guide the entire group during both 2023 editions. I will do so again in 2024.

★★★★★ "The way Mette held space for all of us again and again was so powerful and beautiful. He has a way with words that touched me in all the right places. Mette is such a magical, beautiful creature and I'm taking so much inspiration from him - I really hope I get to see him again at one of the next Intimate Revolutions."

★★★★★ "Mette radiated so much love, openness and vulnerability during the Intimate Revolution in Vienna. With Mette I felt safe. I felt seen and inspired to create that safe space for others as well. I’m excited to see how Mette inspires others around them in such a positive way. I’m truly grateful to have crossed Mette's path even without ever talking to them. Mette said things that often stay hidden and created a safe space without pressure (!!) during such an overwhelming experience. I learned a lot. Thank you. "

★★★★★ "Mette has been a very pleasant facilitator, humorous, insightful, eloquent, engaging with the audience. I really enjoyed his facilitation in Intimate Revolution 2023 and I would love to have him as a facilitator again."

★★★★★ "I enjoyed Mette's playfulness with words and situations and his warm-hearted smoothness. It feels like he talks to every individual and the whole community at the same time. I’m deeply impressed and touched. Thank you!"

★★★★★ "Magnetic."

★★★★★ "What Mette said about being able to do what we want in this space without our actions defining who we are was very inspiring to me. As was so much else he said. It gave me the courage to wear a dress for the first time and I already got so many compliments for it! Thank you!"

★★★★★ "I love how Mette hosts the morning sessions. Their presence makes me feel warm, safe, and peaceful ❤️"

★★★★★ "Thanks for the great morning circles! You always did it with the balanced mixture of calm, lightness, humor, seriousness, and organization."

★★★★★ "I *really* enjoyed all the circles you facilitated! Each time they offered just what I needed."

★★★★★ "Mette's wisdom, sensitivity, care and unconditional love made the festival more safe and meaningful for me. Their way of holding space is phenomenal in terms meeting the group where it's at, and they shared the right words, pair exercises and songs at the right time for me. Mette's facilitation helped me to stay with strong emotions and physical sensations. Their facilitation skills were so much appreciated when I felt disoriented or unsure about what I needed in each moment. Their stage presence made me smile and helped me to show up to myself and embrace diversity in terms of gender and sexual expression. I could go on and on about Mette's abilities and how positively they impacted on me. I hope to have the privilege of being held by them in future festivals."

★★★★★ "Thank you for hosting the opening circle. Your fun, energetic, open and chill personality elevated the circle to another level. As far as I could observe in the workshops, you seem like a very genuine, reflected, and chill person. Very lovely. Keep on pursuing your way."

★★★★★ "Your tenderness is inspiring!"

★★★★★ "As a first timer here, the way you facilitated/moderated the opening circle today felt so GREAT. I feel like you have a special kind of presence: welcoming laughter and seriousness, and responding to the energy in the room with kindness. Wow."

★★★★★ "Thank you for this wonderful moderation. I was looking forward to it every morning. It was so helpful!"

★★★★★ "I love how you gently guide the crowd in the morning. I feel that you've been studying your inner landscapes well and know how to listen to what pain people have in their hearts."

★★★★★ "Thank you so much for the way you've been guiding through the festival. Your words of wisdom made this an even safer space!"

★★★★★ "I just love your presence. Your colorful, calm, juicy presence. Just knowing you are here feels good."

★★★★★ "Thank you for so much wisdom, for thoughtful and mindful facilitation."

★★★★★ "I find you fabulous in so many ways. You are a master of ceremony and I love the gentle energy you bring with your guidance."

Mette Koppelaar

Mette is the initiator and main facilitator of this weekend. His desire to dress outside the gender norm sparked a deep interest in what it means to live authentically. He organized multiple editions of (the currently inactive) Nibana Festival as well as various workshops and retreats which serve as playgrounds to explore authentic expression. In 2020 he started writing a book about this very topic, which he’s still doing whenever he's not facilitating.

Mette was born in Amsterdam in 1984. He’s racialized as white, is able-bodied, and comes from a middle-class background. He’s gender nonconforming and uses he or they pronouns. While this bio might sound pretty serious—especially when he writes about himself in the third person—he likes to think that he hasn’t lost his sense of humor.

Aya Mo

Aya is a touch therapist who spent years in training with masters in different styles of bodywork and the esoteric arts. She facilitates and teaches practices like yoga, rituals to close the bones, standing on a bed of nails, and different kind of massage like Rebozo—a Mexican non-contact/vibration practice. She loves to hold space for people by serving Chinese tea in a traditional way, which she'll do during the open space on Saturday night.

Silvia Laporta

Silvia Laporta is a Berlin-based versatile holistic body worker as well as a gong and soundscapes performer. Her work shines light on the intriguing connection between sounds, cognitive experiences and the subtle energies that shape our state of mind. Silvia’s sound landscapes journey to a wide spectrum of oneiric experimental waves of sounds produced by therapeutic & shamanic instruments as Tibetan bowls, gong, ocean drums, koshis, chimes, bells & voice. By inducing a deep meditative state this ‘psychedelic like’ experience evokes multidimensional aspect of subconscious, and beyond, a travel through time and space to meet the self. Silvia offers 1:1 treatments, group sessions & art performances in Berlin and the rest of Europe and will offer a group sound bath session during the retreat.

Hannah Wright

Hannah likes to support people to step outside of ‘the norm’ and live more in line with what’s important to them. She has a lot of empathy for the risk, challenges and potential it can offer, from her own lived experiences including in her relationships, sexuality, gender, home life, work and health. Hannah uses storytelling, meditation and movement to prompt self reflection and invite social change. She draws on her background in designing more welcoming spaces to facilitate conversations with people, places and ideas. People describe Hannah as welcoming, safe, playful and loving. She’ll be there for space holding, emotional support and perhaps some guided experiences during the weekend.

Marita de Vries

Providing life force and connection through food is the big passion of our amazing chef, Marita. She cooks vegetarian and sugar free, but juicy vegan & gluten free options are part of her culinary vocabulary. Spices, lots of spices, local ingredients and fresh herbs are her magic.

There are two reasons why I use the word transformation in the event description.

The first reason is that it signals an intention for this weekend that goes beyond simply having a good time. If transformation is not an intention that currently resonates with you, you know that this might not be the event for you right now. Easy. If it does resonate, you know that you'll be surrounded by people whose intention is likely compatible with yours. This creates a field of permission for everyone to bring deeper topics to the table.

The second reason for using this word is that it gives you some kind of indication of what to expect from the program. You’ll often be gently invited to bring your attention inwards, to connect with yourself deeply, to explore your patterns and desires, to shine light on topics that have been holding you back, and to play with your sense of self.

We'll work with words, sounds, and embodied practices to move stuff that may have been lingering in your system for some time. Some practices are with yourself, some are in connection with other individuals, and some are in connection with the entire group. You can use the practices to find a genuine connection with others. You can use the connection with others to deepen the connection with yourself. In the end, every practice is first and foremost an interaction between you and you.

While transformation is at the heart of this weekend, nothing is ever expected to happen. We don't follow one particular tradition and we’re not working towards any kind of predetermined outcome. You’re invited to do what feels right to you in any given moment and you can’t do anything wrong.

The fear of feeling disconnected is common under participants of these kinds of events. It's a fear that makes a lot of sense. I'll try to say a few things about.

First, I'll say something about two different mindsets that we can adopt in these spaces. One option is to only give our attention to the people we feel most attracted to. When we do this, the stakes become high. If we manage to make the connection, we might have a wonderful evening. We achieved our goal. When we don’t manage to do so, we may feel that we're missing out. We may try to come up with ways to connect with our 'target' and get jealous when they're not available. When someone we’re not sexually attracted tries to connect with us, we may be blind to the possibilities. While it's totally valid to focus on connecting with the people you fancy the most, this approach will sometimes lead to feeling lonely and disconnected.

An option that makes it much more likely for all sorts of meaningful connection to happen is to be open to different kinds of connection. This means being open to connecting with a wide range of people and to discover how you can connect with someone in a way that's authentic. Connection, intimacy, and even sensuality can take on many forms. It might mean intense physical contact, dancing together, or describing what happens in your body when you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. It could be undressing while being observed by two people or paying full attention while you wear a blindfold and someone feeds you a piece of fruit. When you're open to the unknown, there's no telling what you might discover or transform.

Second, I'll say something about the setup of the weekend. Large parts of the program are structured exercises where you don't have to take much initiative in order to make connections. There will be different ways to pair up or form little groups, and if you participate in these exercises you will automatically make some new connections. While sexual energy and attraction are welcome in some of these exercises, they're never required. Any exercise we'll do can essentially be done with anyone. It's through these exercises that you can learn asking yourself questions like "How can I connect with you while staying in my integrity?" and "Which boundaries can I set so I can enjoy this connection?" (Of course, you'll never have to do an exercise with anyone you don't feel comfortable doing it with.)

I'll conclude by saying that there will a focus on human connection in the broadest sense of the word throughout the entire weekend. We'll offer tools that will hopefully support you in connecting with different people in ways that feel right. Sometimes there may be sexual desire from all sides. Sometimes from neither of you. And sometimes from some of you. The aim of the game is to show up honestly and to navigate everyone's diffent needs, boundaries, and desires. It's one of the things we’re here to learn and practice. Which is one of the skills that aren't just meant to lead to having a better weekend. It's meant to help you live a better everyday life.

It might very well happen that someone wants something from you that you don't want. In fact, it's quite likely. It would be quite unlikely that two (or more) people want exactly the same thing and keep wanting the same thing as time goes by. This is unlikely in sexuality and in any other domain in life. So let's assume that someone will sometimes want something from you that you don't want.

Which takes us to the next question: What can you do when it happens? One of the reasons that these situations can sometimes get awkward is that we don’t always feel comfortable communicating our boundaries. Probably because people in our present or our past have not been open to receiving them.

Throughout the weekend we address this topic by constantly centralizing the beauty of saying no. We'll regularly invite you to ask: “Am I doing exactly what I want to be doing right now? Is there something I’d like to change?” You'll practice with saying no and receiving a no in different ways.

We'll try to create a cultural understanding that saying no is a gift to yourself as well as to the other person. We'll work with the idea that saying no allows people to stay in connection. We'll suggest expressing gratitude when receiving a no to slowly make it easier for everyone to develop this skill.

Realistically, we've all lived with our patterns for many years and we can't change decades of social conditioning in a single weekend. We might still freeze, please, or otherwise struggle to say no. We may very well still feel hurt or rejected when someone verbalizes their no to us. And that's okay. But no matter where we're at, we can increase our awareness of these dynamics. And we can practice. Each situation is an opportunity to build awareness and communication skills. Each moment is an opportunity to experience and internalize the beauty of saying no. And as we journey through the weekend, we may all come just a little closer to the understanding that embracing the no is the most reliable path to finding our real yes.

This is a queer space in the sense that we welcome and optimize for experiencing and expressing yourself in ways that are not necessarily aligned with the norm. If your body, sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, or the ways in which you live and love are outside the norm, you’re more than welcome here.

At the same time, this is not a queer-only space. It’s also not a queer-centered space. While we understand and acknowledge the need for such spaces, this is not one of them. We welcome everyone, and don’t ban, shame, blame, or limit people with whose identities or forms of expression are more privileged or normative.

I personally love weird and different. The other team members feal the same. And probably many of the participants, too. Authenticity is the first of our five values. "Live and let live" is the motto. One of the reasons I create these spaces is because I value environments where the full range of human expression is welcome and celebrated. I believe that whenever someone does something that might be considered weird or different, it serves as a permission slip for others to do the same. So you're welcome to bring all of you. I promise that the team members will be your biggest cheerleaders.

The weird thing about sexuality is that it's present in so many aspects of society and simultaneously one of its biggest taboos. The same can be said for emotion. During this weekend, we strive to open up both these domains. Which means that strong emotions may very well come up for you.

This is not just a sex-positive weekend. It's a human-positive weekend. Many forms of self-expression are welcome. Including emotional expression. You’re wholeheartedly invited to experience pleasure, joy and playfulness. You're also very welcome to connect with emotions like sadness, anger, jealousy, shame, and fear.

Every emotion can be an entry point for understanding ourselves better. Every emotion can also lead to connection with another person. Some of the experiences in which we feel most alone are actually shared with more people than we tend to realize. Once we realize that there are people who can connect with us over this, the game changes. Which is why we encourage you to feel and express your emotions in front of others.

Many sex-positive events emphasize the principle of self-responsibility, which means that everyone is responsible for their own experience. It means you can ask for support if you need it, but that no one can "do it for you." It also means that the team members won't try to rescure or save you. While I believe there to be a lot of wisdom in this, I don't think it always works in reality. The barrier for reaching out can be high when you're stuck in a trauma-response or heave emotion. So, we will keep an eye out for you. Someone from the team may come over when you appear to be struggling. We'll also encourage participants to keep an eye out for each other. In the end, you still have to do it yourself, but you definitely don’t have to do it alone.

The short answer is no.

The longer answer is that facilitators don't share arousal or sexual energy with participants. The only exception to this rule is when there's a pre-existing relationship, but even then it will not be pursued during the program. The facilitators are here to hold the space. Not to pursue their personal interests.

If you join this retreat, I expect that you aspire to live up to the following values. The team and me very much aspire to live by them ourselves. We welcome anyone to tell us when it doesn't feel that way.

1. Authenticity: We strive to create a container in which people can feel safe enough to express themselves in a wide range of ways. Feelings, desires and boundaries are at the core of this practice. We are free to experience and express them without justifying ourselves, yet we strive to do so in a way that’s considerate of other people.

We also welcome sexual expression in all its forms. While a wide range of sexual expression is more than welcome at various moments during this event, there will never be an obligation, expectation, or even a preference that participants engage in sexuality.

2. Inclusivity: We strive to create an environment that’s inclusive to a wide range of identities. We don’t tolerate racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, transphobic, ageist, or otherwise discriminatory behavior. We encourage everyone in the space to not make assumptions about people's identities and experiences (e.g. regarding gender, race, sexual orientation, etc).

3. Consent: We respect each other's space, stuff, boundaries and privacy. We share a responsibility to create a safe environment for everyone. We communicate our own boundaries when needed and check the boundaries of people we interact with. We strive to create an environment in which we value giving and receiving our ‘yes’ as well as our ‘no’.

4. Confidentiality: We only talk about our own experience and don’t share about other people’s experiences. We don’t comment on other people’s experiences without their consent.

5. Self and group responsibility: We try to be aware of the ways in which we take up space and strive to contribute to the safety of the group. We’re all responsible for our own physical and emotional needs.

6. No intimacy with facilitators: Facilitators do not share arousal or sexual energy with participants. The only exception to this rule is when there's a pre-existing relationship, but even then it will not be pursued during the program. The facilitators are here to hold the space. Not to pursue their personal interests.

If these values don't work for you..

These values will always be a work in progress. If you don't agree with some of them, if something about these values doesn’t feel right to you, or if you have some ideas on how to improve them, I would love for you to message me on Telegram or through the contact form.

If you have an unpleasant experience with a fellow participant or with a team member, I encourage you to first address it with them directly. If that's not what you want to do or feel capable of, you're very welcome to reach out to me on Telegram or through the contact form. I might be able to practically support you and/or hold space while you talk about your experience. I won’t take any action without your consent.

If you have an unpleasant experience with me (Mette), you may reach out to me directly, to another team member, or to my accountability partner Anouk Bongers. Anouk won't communicate with me unless you consent to it. You can find her contact details here.

It may take time to process certain experiences. Sometimes months or years. The offer above remains valid. There’s no such thing as reaching out too late.

This weekend will happen again in 2025.
Right now, you can join The Path of Real Moments from Feb to April 2025 (in Berlin) or join the Telegram channel.

Wonderful! Isn’t it great to know what you don’t want? You can join the Telegram channel to learn about Mette's workshops, the November 2024 retreat (consisting of three Thursday evenings followed by one weekend from Thursday to Sunday), the Radical Authenticity course, or the April 2025 edition of Rebirthing the Sensual Self.

I feel you. It can be a hard decision. Perhaps I can help you out a little.

Here are some common doubts that people share with me:

• "I'm excited but also a little afraid"
• "I don't have much experience in these spaces (and I fear that I'll be the only inexperienced one)"
• "I don't know anyone else who's going (and I fear that many people already know each other)"

If you feel the calling but have these kinds of concerns, I suggest to take the jump. Many people experience some version of this. Many people feel a little afraid. These things simply are a bit scary. Fear is one of those feelings that comes with growth.

Here are some other common doubts:

• "I'm really low on cash and spending money on this would make things complicated for me"
• "I have a lot of things going on and I fear that adding a deep experience like this might be too much"
• "I fear that if I don't join now I'll never have a chance to do it again"

If these sentences describe your situation then this might not be the optimal time the time to join. If FOMO is getting the best of you, you can join the Telegram channel and stay posted of future events or look for other facilitators when you feel more spacious. So maybe take a deep breath and leave it for now :)

If you're still not sure..

• If you need more info, keep on reading.
• If you have unanswered questions after reading everything, feel free to get in touch on Telegram or through the contact form.
• If you struggle to know what you want, here’s an exercise to help you do that in an embodied way:

The essentials:

• A pillow cover and a bedsheet (the one that goes around the blanket)
• Two towels (shower & sauna)
• A sarong or something to sit on if you choose to be naked
• Pen and paper
• Toiletries
• A meditation pillow (we don't have enough so please bring one if you come from closeby)

Enhance the experience:

• Clothing, lingerie, make-up, face paint, accessories, shoes, or whatever else supports your self-expression. Make it comfy, make it funky, make it sexy, make it you.
• Dress-up clothes for others (so we can make a dress-up corner)
• Decoration items for the room, like sheep skins, fabrics, pillows, blankets, and lights.
• Indoor shoes, warm socks and/or an extra blanket (some of the bedrooms are quite cold)
• Fun stuff: massage oil, toys, safer sex supplies, instruments, creative materials
• An object to place on our altar to symbolize your rebirth
• Your teddy bear or stuffed animal (to nurture you in challenging times)
• A basic watch or alarm clock (we also go around with a bell)
• A blindfold (we have some available, but ideally bring one)
• Ear plugs (to sleep better in a shared room)
• A sleeping mask (for sleeping and as an option for the Friday morning ritual)
• An alarm clock (so you can hand in your phone)
• A torch or headlamp (so you don't need your phone)
• An instrument (if you'd like to make music on Sunday)

Don't bring:

• Doggies or other animals
• Any kind of mind-altering substances
• Glitter (unless it's biodegradable)

This packing list was last updated on 28 Mar 2024 and might be updated later.

I sometimes joke that half the benefits of these kinds of retreats come simply from being off our phones for a few days. And I think there is some truth in that. When you arrive at the venue, you'll have the possibility of handing in your phone. You don't have to do this, of course, and an alternative is to turn it off, but handing it in can have a big impact on your experience.

If you choose to do so, it might be helpful to inform your close ones of this beforehand. You can tell them that you can't be reached until Sunday evening or you may even give yourself another day.

Scroll down to find the emergency contact.

If you need to reach someone who's in this retreat and who has their phone switched off, you can send a text message (not phone calls) to the following number: +4915785476475.

The following number can be used as a backup if there's no repsonse within 5 hours: +31641388030. Definitely don't call this number as it may disturb the program.

We might still change these numbers, so please refer to this page instead of writing down the phone numbers.